“She Acts Like I’m SOOOO Stupid, but I’m NOT!”

The teenaged girl at the cash register with the bi-color bleached blonde and brown hair in a hairstyle that looked as if it had been gnawed by pissed-off rats asked the other worker behind the counter making sandwiches “What’s this?”

“BMT, double meat.”

“Six inch or 12 inch?”

“Twelve inch.”

Doubtfully, she said “It doesn’t LOOK like a 12-inch.”

“That’s because it’s a 6-inch, you dip!”

She looked up at me out of lovely blue eyes, and said “She acts like I’m soooooo stupid, but I’m NOT.” 

She handed me a $5 bill, a quarter, a nickel, and a dime.  “Here’s your change, $5.20.  You have a nice night!”

Fear and Loathing in the Lone Star State: Page 47, VRWC Handbook

Mick Gregory reveals his winning strategy for ridding the nation of Las Clintonistas….

I voted for Obama tonight and helped pick delegates. In our voting district Obama won 7 delegates to Hillary’s 4. Knowing Hillary’s instructions, “take control of the secretary position…” I nominated a nice young woman named CJ, who had an Obama badge on her coat and was sitting at an Obama table at the middle school library.

I also talked a neighbor into being a delegate. The people spoke. We shut down the Clinton machine in our neighborhood anyway.

After all the hype and fawning over the pantsuited presidential candidate, Obama actually won more delegates in Texas. Did you read anything about that in the New York Times, Houston Chronicle or Dallas Morning News?

Nice work Mick.

VRWC Playbook Leaked!

Sen. Jack S. Fogbound, writing at Free Republic has leaked the talking points from the VRWC 2008 playbook …..

A little over a year ago:

1) Consumer confidence stood at a 2 1/2 year high.
2) Regular gasoline sold for $2.19 a gallon; [high, but not as high as the $3.29/gal regular I paid today]
3) the unemployment rate was 4.5%.

Since voting in a Democratic Congress in 2006 we’re seen:

1) Consumer confidence drop;
2) the cost of regular gasoline over $3 a gallon;
3) Unemployment has increased is up to 5% (a 10% increase);
4) American households have seen $2.3 trillion in equity value evaporate (stock and mutual fund losses);
5) Americans have seen their home equity drop by $1.2 trillion dollars;
6)1% of American homes are in foreclosure.

America voted for change in 2006, and we got it!

Actually, I blame Global Warming.

“I don’t WANT to get married!”

Jacob told his mommy he wanted to talk to MeeMaw.  “MeeMaw’s not home”, she told him.  He wanted to know where his MeeMaw was.  (MeeMaws are not supposed to leave the house to do mundane things like go to work with the only exception being when they are on the way to pick up grandchildren or buy presents. Everybody knows that.)

“MeeMaw is out buying a present!” mommy told him. 

“A present?  Why MeeMaw buying a present?” asked Jake.  The only possible answer would be that MeeMaw is out buying a present for him.

“Because we’re going to a party tomorrow, and we have to bring presents!” answered mommy.

Jacob was still puzzled.  “MeeMaw going to party too?  She bring presents for me?”

Mommy explained that we were going to bring presents for the people that were getting married tomorrow, at which point Jacob started crying inconsolably.

“Jacob, what is wrong with you?“

But I don’t WANT to get married!” wailed Jacob.

Jacob called later and told me that he wanted new shoes with lights that flash

“So you want me to get you flashing shoes, is that right?” 

“Yes!  And MeeMaw, I going to stay with Poppa, and we eat ice cream and cookies, okay?  We not go to party, okay?” 

Three years old, and ready to be a committed bachelor just like his Poppa.

Coast Guard Finds $52M in Drugs on Vessel

MAYPORT, Fla. — A Coast Guard cutter offloaded on Thursday approximately 1,600 pounds of cocaine seized in the western Caribbean Sea and turn over six suspected smugglers to federal agents Friday morning. The crew of the Cutter Forward located more than 30 bales of cocaine worth an estimated $52 million in a hidden compartment aboard the Honduran fishing vessel Miss Alyssa on Feb. 25 in the western Caribbean Sea.”This case was an outstanding example of multiple unit coordination ashore and at sea,” said Cmdr. Matthew Sibley of the Coast Guard Forward.

Miss Alyssa was originally boarded by the Coast Guard Cutter Dauntless on Feb. 24. The crew of the Dauntless found evidence of illegal narcotics with the use of an ion scan machine, similar to the machines used in airports, but they were unable to find the hidden compartment containing the illegal narcotics.

Another crew from the Virginia-based cutter Forward located the drugs hidden in a secret compartment.

The Coast Guard is the lead U.S. federal agency for all maritime drug interdiction operations and seized $4.7 billion worth cocaine in 2007.

Source:

Now if Florida could only sell the drugs at market value, we could get that budget shortfall whittled down in no time.

TIME NEVER DIES

Sercan Ondem

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