Why Men Are Happier


email from bro-in-law …

“Men Are Just Happier People”

What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. Car mechanics tell you the truth. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them. New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough . You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes — one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.”

15 Responses

  1. …but if women were to start acting like men, y’all would be less happy.

    If men were to treat women decently (see, car mechanic, same work more pay, etc) we would be happier. And as all married men know, happier women make for happier men. :p

  2. See they can’t even let us have an hour of fun without crying about something.

  3. As long as y’all gently deposit the bigass spiders outside where they belong, I’m happy.

    SwampMan will smash a spider all OVER the floor (or carpet) and just let it lay there in a tangle of spider guts and legs. Apparently the genes for cleaning up squished spider messes (or indeed, any messes at all) were left out of his DNA.

    But then again, he’s outside happily figuring out what went wrong with my fuel injectors. If it were up to me, I’d shoot the bastard and put it out of its misery and go lookin’ at trucks.

  4. I’ll tell you why carcasses (carci) the BA spiders get left on the floor, or wall, etc.

    It’s because we want to be recognized for our triumph over the dastardly 8-legged creatures. So we leave the remains so that those that we have protected can discover them and marvel at their wisdom for choosing such a brave, masculine protector.

    Think of your cat bringing a dead squirrel to your doorstep. Same thing.

  5. Those of us that were protected look very unkindly upon stepping in spider mess with bare feet.

  6. Of course men are happier, but women live longer, and here’s proof why.

  7. We leave the heavy lifting to cockroaches

    http://aginfo.psu.edu/psp/04psp/pr/04343_pr.html

  8. I would happily turn spider-squashing over to men, if they were able to so squash and not run screaming in the other direction, leaving me to throw my law books at them.

    (Note to strong masculine protectors: law books kill HUGE bugs. Like, bugs that are big enough to eat your hamster.)

  9. HEY! SwampMan eats quiche! Well, okay, I tell him it’s egg pie….

  10. I love egg pie.

  11. I loves me some quiche, and hold bugs, snakes, and hamsters in high disdain.

    • that’s ok, but you really needs to call it egg pie. 😉

      • Not me, no sir.
        To get that pie crust just right, where it is light and crusty, yet holds all the goodies without leaking, I will call it quiche all day long.
        I also love Texas quiche. Made with the pan lined with Texas Toast, add the custard and let it soak in real good, then all the goodies.
        Mmmm-mmh!

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