Rapper Andre Johnson would have been the sure-fire winner of the 2014 Darwin Award except for one minor detail–he survived.
After cutting off his manhood, Johnson leaped from the second floor of a West Hollywood apartment building and landed on the sidewalk below. Other members of his rap group, Northstar, said that by the time they got downstairs, Johnson, sans-johnson, was up and running around screaming and hollering.
Oddly enough, they also claimed that no drugs were involved.
Johnson (nick-name “Christ Bearer) is in critical condition at Cedars-Sinai. Efforts to sew his penis back on were not successful.
Note to self: If I ever decide to cut my d*ck off and attempt suicide by jumping off a building, make sure that I get much higher than the second floor.
Note to first responders: If you ever find me on a sidewalk with my d*ck cut off after I’ve tried to defy gravity from an upper floor, please just go ahead and shoot me.